Our first-born child. He was named at his brit, eight days after his birth.

Yibaneh Mcol

We are now in a special period, a period of Geula, of redemption, between Pesach and Yom Ha'Atzmaut (Independence Day), which is today. Our child was born several hours before Shabat, Torah portion Ki Tazria. Though it's not usually understood this way, it seems to me that it is possible to see this expression as a kind of mitzva. Usually we learn the mitzva of having children from "be fruitful and multiply," but there is an additional dimension added in Ki Tazria (literally: a woman will become pregnant.) There is a special experience here. I was present at the beginning of the pregnancy, I was there in the middle, and I was there at the end. And in my opinion, this is the experience- I don't know what word to use, the most real, the deepest experience that exists, especially for she that gives birth, but also for those that participate. There is a hint of this in another portion, also connected to Pesach and Geula. It is written in the beginning of the story of going out of Egypt that Pharaoh asks the Egyptian midwives to kill the male Jewish children when they are born. The midwives answer that this they cannot do, for these Jewish women are not like other women, they have great knowledge and expertise in birth, that they somehow have a very deep understanding of what is this birth and what is this thing Life. They say "ki Chaiot hayn" (because they are life.) I feel that we especially have a a special connection with this characteristic, for in fact 'Chaia' is my wife, but beyond that I think that any person who begins to understand birth at some of the deeper levels, begins to understand life.

The birth itself is a miracle. And the same as at Hanuka we use candles to publicize the miracle that was, so too the brit is in some sense a publicizing of the miracle that has occurred. That same line that begins our child's Torah portion continues: "When a woman will become pregnant with a male son, seven days she will be in nidah, and on the eight day he will be circumcised." The circumcision is a part of the same experience, part of the birth, and not a separate thing. And yet despite that, though there is food here, and good drink, a brit is not considered a strictly happy event. There is the happiness of entering a child into the covenant of Abraham as a Jew, but unlike a marriage where you bless "the happiness in its season," there is no parallel blessing at a brit. There are several reasons, and they all have to do with the pain that is also present at a brit. First of all, throughout all the generations, parents who circumcised their children new that there was a danger, simply a grave physical danger to the life of the child. To our great sorrow there have been many people throughout the generations who have wanted to kill the Jews, and the circumcision was the sign they used to positively identify them. Although the danger appears distant today, distant and recent history teach us that this is something that must be present in the mind of every parent when they circumcise their child. There is also the pain of drawing blood from something which is more dear to you than your own flesh. There is something here common to the agony of Abraham preparing to sacrifice Isaac At the simple physical level, it is something very difficult and painful to do. And there is also the pain which is a part of every birth. Adam and Eve are cursed in the Garden of Eden for their actions, but it was difficult for me to understand why Eve was cursed specifically with this curse. What's the connection between what she did and difficulty in giving birth? I looked in the Midrash, and there are several things there that can help to understand. First it says that the curse on man is worse, even seven times worse, than the curse on woman. I asked myself why, and it could be that the curse of birth is something that happens and is over, while the curse of earning a living, as we are especially aware here, is both difficult and something that continues with us all the days of our lives. But there's a problem which the Midrash is aware of: where is the curse on man? If man was required in any case to take his food from the produce of the ground, what's new what is the curse that is added as punishment? And the Midrash answers that what he has is a blessing mixed with a curse; that food comes from the ground is his blessing, but that he must work hard amongst thorns to get it and eat is in the sweat of his brow is his curse. So I wondered if maybe the woman also has a curse that is mixed with a blessing. And I found that there is.

First of all, the Midrash says that she received not one pain, but four. The pain of a menstrual cycle, the pain of pregnancy, the pain of birth, and the pain of raising children. And it may be that the pain of raising children is the main point here. For again tin the same Midrash it says that as hard as it is to earn a living, it is harder to raise children. And like earning a living this is not something that is completed in a day, but rather is a demand throughout your lifetime. And here is the point of the blessing or the curse, the way in which you raise your children will determine whether you receive a blessing or a curse. And God willing, all of us here will see our son grow to be a blessing both to us and to all Am Yisrael.

And in fact, at the end of the story of the curse, what happens? Adam give his wife a name, and the name is Chava (Eve is a poor translation), from the root Chaia, life, for her curse is indeed mixed with blessing, for it says that she M'chaaiye , she gives life to the world. The whole experience for Chaia, in her own words, was the most difficult and the most important thing that she has done in her life.

I also want to explain the child's name. Yibaneh . The simple meaning is "It will be built." It refers to beit hamikdash , to the Temple, it refers to Am Yisrael, to the People of Israel; today is Independence day , and we will all be built, the hope. As Hebrew is a language where every letter and every pair of letters has meaning, you can break the word down and better understand its makeup. There is ben , son: he is our son and there is the name of God (yud hey), and without the latter, which is to say without beginning to realise our relation to God, I don't think we would have ever made it to this. Ben is also the root of the word beena, understanding. In Judaism understanding means taking something and following it, contemplating the consequences, realising where the path will lead to. And I think that this child is indeed the continuation of the little we both have begun to understand of life, in coming to Israel, in building our family here. This is our beena, our understanding, this is where it has led us. If you reverse the letters you have Niv which is the root of tnuva: fruits, produce, offspring. And this is indeed our first fruits. And you can even take it apart a little further, and you are left with the two basic letters on which the whole is built, Bet and Nun . And these stand for our two grandmothers: Beyla, my grandmother, and Necheh , Chaia's grandmother. Two very different women, one Bet and one Nun but , together they make livnot, to build, and understanding ultimately means to build. I'd like to explain how I hope these two women will help us to build our family.

My Grandmother Beyla, Beatrice, was born in America. The philosopher David Hartman says that there are two ways to look at God. The Greek understanding of God is as something disconnected from the world. God is above, God does not respond. God is just up thee, disconnected. The kind of society that this leads to is a society where everyone looks after themselves, no one is interested in or needs other people. I do whatever I can, I get by, I do what I can. The Jewish view of God is a God who responds to the world, who is involved in the world, who gets angry,who punishes, who rewards. The kind of society that this leads to is a society where people are dependent on other people, help other people. I didn't make anything and there's a lot of food here; people help other people. My grandmother was not a woman who herself id a great number of things independently, but she was part of an inseparable team with my grandfather. He is a man with a name as a person who has done many things, accomplished much, bet he accomplished it all for her, and I don't think he could have accomplished any of it without her.

Chaia's Grandmother Necheh , was born in Russia, close to our roots, and came to America later. She was a very strong woman from what I have heard about her, and Judaism was a very important thing to her. And I think that if she could see us today, if she knew today what we were doing, it would bring her a great deal of nachus. We're hoping that these two women, representing two characteristics of every person, the ezer knegdo, the helpmate, and the woman with the strength to build her won family, will be the two things that contribute to our child and will help him livnot, to build, himself.

His middle name, Mcol, has two explanations. One, obvious: anyone who knows Chaia and me knows how important dance is to us: Mcol means to dance. To us I think dance is the natural response to life. Mcol also means forgiveness. It is only because there is a forgiving God that we, who have gone through all that w have been through in our lives, were not cursed, but instead recieved the bracha, the blessing we received, to have a child, and to have the opportunity to raise him amongst all of you, amongst Am Yisrael, the People of Israel.

If you'd like to know what it's like all these years later , write to and find out.